The Backwards Life
  • Home
  • TravelBlog
  • Where in the world am I?
  • Message Me

Protocol For Warding off a Monkey Mugger

11/20/2011

0 Comments

 
The convict skills of wild animals are highly underestimated. Criticize me for my ridiculousness all you want but those furry little faces aren't so innocent. I am convinced that a step by step guide to warding off wild animals is really what every traveler needs. You will thank me for this next time you get mugged by a monkey.   The British flags, English accents and petite phone booths of Gibraltar were a welcomed change from my previous week in Spain. I was anxious to spend a day exploring the place, however, I was most excited about meeting Gibraltar's famous ape population.

I spent the afternoon traversing the roads circling Gibraltar in search of the legendary apes. Just as I abandoned hope and the gates to the roads were closing for the day, I heard a loud "screeech!" Yards away, a dozen monkeys popped out of the bushes to pay me a surprise visit.  

Let me back up for a minute…I am terrified of monkeys. I have seen far too many Fatal Attraction episodes of monkeys turning fierce and ripping limbs off of their human owners. I would say this is a valid reason to steer clear of the creatures. Either way, when I first spotted my new furry friends I was elated and so excited about the prospect of getting an epic monkey Fb profile picture, my fear vanished. I threw my purse and jacket on the ground and ran toward the animals! 

Ely started snapping pictures of me. I approached the first monkey. Initially terrified, I kept my distance. When he didn't immediately maul me I gained courage and crept closer and closer. Suddenly, the creature leapt from the bush, grabbed my purse and began rummaging through it. He threw the water bottle and bag of mixed nuts aside—obviously this ape had a better target in mind…my passport. Panic overcame me. I had two options: (1) rip the purse from the monkey's grasp and run, or (2) follow the ape to his den, make friends with the monkey family and peacefully negotiate my beloved belongings back. Somehow, I didn't imagine the monkey's den to be homosapien accessible and had an inkling that my new furry friend far outmatched my agility. Frightening images of being stranded in Gibraltar for weeks until I could get a new passport filled my mind. None of these sounded like a good option. 

During my bout of terror, I remembered an email I recently received. You know those large-colored-font-forwarded messages with a hodgepodge of email addresses pasted at the top? It was one of those. I normally delete them immediately, but something about the "Tips for Solo Female Travelers" headline captivated me. If I didn't read it, coincidence would find me in the worst case scenario stranded thousands of miles from home. The one interesting thing I learned was if someone asks for your purse, you should throw it as far as you can and run in the opposite direction. 

Reality suddenly became crystal clear. I WAS GETTING MUGGED BY A MONKEY!

Instinctively, I grabbed the nearest rock and tossed it to the side of the ape, hoping to provide an alluring alternative to my goods. Success! The monkey chased the rock allowing me to snatch my bag. Thank God, no prolonged stay in Gibraltar for me.

I did get a few epic Fb pictures, and made it out of Gibraltar rabies-free, but my monkey-phobia won't be going away any time soon.
Picture
The infamous monkeys of Gibraltar
Picture
In this picture you can see England, Spain and Africa...can you tell which is which?
Picture
This is my best monkey imitation! I think he looks a little more focused than me though!
Picture
This picture is senior photo status complete with a monkey!
0 Comments

    “Traveling is a brutality. It forces you to trust strangers and to lose sight of all that familiar comfort of home and friends. You are constantly off balance. Nothing is yours except the essential things – air, sleep, dreams, the sea, the sky – all things tending towards the eternal or what we imagine of it.”
    –Cesare Pavese

    Archives

    April 2013
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011

    Categories

    All
    Africa
    Airport
    Algarve
    Algeciras
    America
    Amsterdam
    Angkor Wat
    Arrabida
    Asia
    Australia
    Australian Culture
    Bangkok
    Barcelona
    Bari
    Belvedere
    Bethlehem
    Bikes
    Bogan
    Borozo
    Bosphorous
    Budapest
    Bus
    Cafe
    Cambodia
    Camel
    Cascades D'Ouzoud
    Cascais
    Cave
    Chiang Mai
    Christmas
    Coffee
    Communism
    Cooking
    Couchsurfing
    Croatia
    Cycling
    Czech Republic
    Departure
    Design
    Diving
    Dubrovnik
    Ely
    Ember Mitchell
    Employment In Australia
    Ephasus
    Essaouira
    Favorite Places
    Ferry
    Fez
    Fish
    Food
    Freak Out!
    Genocide
    Gibraltar
    Granada
    Greece
    Halong Bay
    Hanoi
    Helsinki
    Hitchhiking
    Hmong
    House Of Terror
    Hungary
    Hutyee Boat
    Ilmer
    Imagination
    Israel
    Istanbul
    Italy
    Itinerary
    Job Searching
    Jordan
    Koh Lanta
    Koh Tao
    Kos
    Kuang Si Falls
    Ladyboys
    Laos
    Lisbon
    Lonely Planet
    Luang Prabang
    Malaga
    Marrakech
    Meditation
    Mekong River
    Melbourne
    Merzouga
    Middle East
    Misspellings
    Mom
    Monk
    Monkey
    Morocco
    Mosque
    Netherlands
    Oia
    One Month
    Online Dating
    Pai
    Palestine
    Petrodvortes
    Phnom Penh
    Pizza
    Portugal
    Prague
    Rip Off
    Rosa Parks
    Rude
    Russia
    Ruud
    Saint Petersburg
    Sam
    Santorini
    Sapa
    Scam
    Seattle
    Selcuk
    Seven Months
    Sevilla
    Shopping
    Siem Reap
    Similan Islands
    Slow Boat
    Spain
    Split
    Stockholm
    Sunset
    Sweden
    Sydney
    Tangier
    Tapas
    Tel Aviv
    Thailand
    Thanksgiving
    Todra Gorge
    Trekking
    Tubing
    Turkey
    Two Months
    Vang Vieng
    Vicks Vaporub
    Vietnam
    Warrnambool
    West Bank
    Western Culture

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.